I looked around the room and could feel the tears stinging my eyes. The brown and green plaid, love seat was pushed against the wall where our family pictures hung, and the cat slumbered on his scratch post not having a care in the whole world. I was starring blankly, not really looking at anything. I sat across from him on one of the identical lazy-boys we have had for years. So worn there were bald spots in the cheap blue fabric on the arm rests and rump area. We had been looking for furniture to replace all of this crap, something nice and tasteful. With shades of brown and light blue, perfectly matching the brick on the inside wall and the plush carpet we just had installed. Oh, yes we had plans for this room, big, big plans. It was going to be our room, our sanctuary of sorts in all the chaos of our lives, just a quiet room for us to lose ourselves in. But, with all that has happened, with all that will happen, I'm afraid our problems are far beyond which throw pillows we want on our new couch. It will take alot more than that to fix everything, if things are able to be fixed that is. There was a time when we were young and our kids were innocent that I was happy but, not today. I haven't been happy in many years, too many tragedies, too many lies. I want to take back so many things, things I know can't be changed, and things that won't change anything. I made mistakes and hurt you so much and I regret it deeply. I never wanted to do it, or planned to, things just happened in the past that I cannot change.
Tears now flowed freely down my cheeks, I could hear your footsteps coming down the stairs. My heart pounded fiercely, I thought it would leap out and make a run for it so it wouldn't have to feel the pain that was about to be hurled upon it. I choked out a sob as you came closer to the room where I sat, my hands balled into fists so hard my nails were digging into my palms. You stood infront of me, your one-size-too small boxer-briefs hugged your thies tightly leaving your legs sticking out like two tree trunks shoved into a pair of spandex. The stained white t-shirt you were wearing, again, too small, is pulled up showing your bellybutton and surrounding hair. My gaze is then directed to your sweet face looking ever so puzzled in my direction, your sleepy brown eyes are soft and timid right now, although I have seen them filled with fire. Your black hair is a tangled mess sticking all different directions and it is going grey on the sides above your ears. It looks as if someone took a paint brush and softly feathered in the perfect grey highlight to just match your age. I look at you, and I long for the time when our love reigned supreme and there weren't so many things in the way. When we had each other and nothing else mattered.When your very touch gave me chills and sent tingles down my legs and into my toes. A time when you wanted me, craved me, needed me. A time when all that made all the crap worth while, now, it's all crashing down like the emotions I have stacked in my heart and soul for 15 years. My heart longs for the love we once held so dear.
You see my distress, and questions fill your eyes. The first one you say catches me by surprise, I didn't expect you to know so much already. I was hoping I could tell you myself and perhaps explain but, it was plain to see it was far too late for that. To be continued....
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